The Nintendo 64 was released in America 19 years ago. That means that if it were a human, the high-achieving 64 would be in the first semester of sophomore year right now.

Pictured here with its little known sibling, the DD.

1. It discovers boxed wine and starts holding "(Smash) Bros and Box" nights in its dorm room.

2. It sincerely believes it met the love of its life in its a capella group, the Nintentones.

3. It tries to get the school newspaper to take the video games beat seriously.

4. It gets really defensive when people accuse it of stuffing its pants with a Rumble Pak at parties.

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5. It slowly learns that all that anti-Sega propaganda SNES spouted at home was just a bunch of racist bullshit.

6. It keeps getting phone calls from SNES and sending it to voicemail.

7. "Mom, I promise I'll call you back tomorrow," it texts to SNES.

8. It never does.

9. At a party, it says "Man, I just feel like everything was BETTER in the '80s." It was born in the '90s.

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